Monologues of Dissent: Open Letter of the Year: Scott Walker Gets Schooled by Former Teacher Turned Small-Business Owner

Monologues of Dissent: Open Letter of the Year: Scott Walker Gets Schooled by Former Teacher Turned Small-Business Owner

Too young to be a grandmother..

Going to visit my daughter tomorrow and meet my new granddaughter. It does not seem possible that I now have all these grandchildren and that my travel dollars are spent to see them. I wonder how this happened? I remember my mother's becoming a grandmother for the first time and thought she fit the part but not me. I

Enough

Last August, for my brother's 60th birthday, my siblings and I decided to go on a bike ride.  After many plans and changed plans and plans that involved boats and buses we decided on a ride from Grand Fork's to Toby's home in Morley.  A nice ride u along a trail that was at some part beautiful and some parts not so much.  But it was a ride of camaraderie among siblings with the end goal of a weekend together, food and a Lyle Lovett concert.  When I arrived at Tobys' feeling proud of the work I had done to get there I went to take a shower, there I stepped on the scale and read 175.  30 pound more that I had been 2 years ago and 10 pound more that I thought I was.  Shame, humiliation, and fear.  So I started, no butter on the potato but I ate the fat on the steak, walk in the morning but drink a beer at lunch.  When I got home I continued to see saw my way through the winter.  Then I saw a photo of myself at Christmas that everyone loved and I was aghast.  I looked awful, how could this be me.  So back to weight watchers I went and this put a stop on my eating, gives me a focus.  I know it is not the total answer but it is a beginning.  A map for me to travel and then find my own way in.

I laugh that it is weight watchers of AA.  But there is truth in that I need to watch the alcohol and that goes along with the weight.  I am bored, I eat, I drink, and man I have been bored this winter.  I am slowly beginning to work my way out of a year of boredom, depression and puzzlement and looking to find my own balance.  Or redefine my balance.  

Since the August scale I am down 16 pounds but there are many more to go.  I am trying not to be afraid of food, but a little fear is a good thing.  I am trying not to throw away everything because of one bad day of food choices.  I have had years of bad food choices and it is time that I face them and get rid of many of them.